My mood isn't really "don't ask", I thought the emoticon was seasonally appropriate
Mood:  don't ask
I am reconsidering grad school... and this pretty much signals me to wait since making a huge decision like grad school shouldn't be made when one is still flip-flopping (thanks to GOP for this lovely term) on the decision. I guess I can see how far ahead I can reschedule the GRE because if you cancel you only get half your money back. Maybe if I just push it back a month... I'll have to forget any schools that have 12/15 or 1/1 app deadlines, but there weren't many. And then push it back again... and again...

My once great enthusiasm about grad school has turned into great enthusiasm about theatre and painting. I am stage manager and asst director for the current production and I'm beginning to see that I enjoy both the behind the scenes of theatre and acting. I still have to clean out my "studio" [spare bedroom] so I can get to my easel but I've got several ideas brewing. An artist, a good one anyway, should always study art history in addition to their art... And really, should I make a huge commitment of time and energy and money when I may just want to continue to do theatre and painting once I'm done?

My cat Darcy is missing... I think we may have spotted him outside last night but he kept running from us. This is not good. Very ungood things happen to black cats around Halloween... :(

Mood:  hungry
Wow, I haven't blogged in a long time.

I just found out I get to travel for work in January. One of the places they're looking at is Cancun. I'm studying for the GRE. Every prospective grad students' nightmare. I will be auditioning for the next play this weekend. I'm sick. Everyone else I know is sick so I guess its my turn. I'm checking to see if my neck is stiff. The kid next door had meningitis. And since I'm not sick like sniffles, more like headache and impending vomitus, am I wrong in looking to possible conclusions?

A blog should be more than a list of what's going on... a good one anyway. I always get writing ideas in my car, or at night, etc, but since I only have regular access to a computer at work and since I've been so frigging busy, I either forget or don't get a chance. Mostly the former.

I went to a lecture by a Yale professor and, not to say she wasn't good, or yes in fact to say that, I gained confidence in my future... if a Yale professor with her PhD from Columbia who studied in London, etc, can hardly give a decent lecture... Not to benefit from someone's weakness... or maybe indeed to do just that...

Oh yes, my birthday is coming upon us quickly. I will be departing the first quarter century of my existence. It is all rapidly downhill from here, or so it goes. Extravagent gifts are appreciated but not required. Non-extravagent gifts are not necessary. Please email me for a mailing address.

Toodles.

Mood:  cool
Ben, I know we already talked about this... but I just thought that you were giving disproportionately more criticism to me and the play I was in than to the others. I am all for constructive criticism but when you for example get all hung up on the Chomsky line... well there's nothing I can do about that. The jealous thing was snotty, I'm sorry.

Just because you didn't like the play, it doesn't mean you don't still love Andy. In fact, you may really love Andy too much. I really hope that Andy isn't mad at you and was just having a bad day or whatever. Andy, Ben loves you, really. Even if it is a little too much...

And even if Chomsky describes how, by our own definition, America is the biggest terrorist in the world.

Isn't it scary that I still have my lines memorized?

You're not crazy... never were

Ok, that wasn't my line. But even scarier. I know the other parts too!

When I was on my way back to work from my lunch hour, there was this guy walking down the street, in the lawn part - there was no sidewalk, it's the burbs - carrying a chain saw. I'm sure there could be some innocent explanation like his neighbor wanted to borrow his chain saw [although there weren't any large trees to speak of...]. But it looked a little creepy.

No, this isn't some divinely inspired end-time apocalyptic prophecy...

Mood:  crushed out
Oh, and I have a big ol' crush on Ben...

shhh, it's a secret...

;-)

Mood:  crushed out
Ok... so I'm a bad person for saying this...

We got a new temp at work. She is very large - I would guess about 350 lbs.

And she smells like a nursing home.

Everyone is entitled to slap me once for that comment.

That is all.

The Essence of Survival
I just noticed this passage printed on this cheesy poster of a lion in my office [and no, I don't work in a junior high guidance office although some days the dynamic is about the same].

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed...

Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.

It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle... When the sun comes up, you'd better be running."

One of my coworkers went to the performance last night. She came in to work today bubbling about how impressed she was with Tribe. She asked how we came up with it, that it was so poetic and beautiful and powerful. She was animatedly enthused and very apparently moved. [Ben, you will rain on my parade no more.]

She also said one of her favorite parts [she left at intermission though] was the host/announcer role in The Cheese Stands Alone. She said she couldn't stop laughing when Andy crosses the stage each time with the date # sign and the huge silly grin on his face.

I was like "me TOO!!!!!!"

A Rebel Tribe Bites Hard on the Cheese from the Cat who got the Rat, but they Got Milk in the Vegetable Garden. They crossed
Mood:  special
the Front Range into the Painted Forest where they found Rusting Gold. If You Say So...
Well I guess some EMUs have read my blog here [maybe because Ben went and posted it to the EMU group...]. Hi Kevin ;-) I should be flattered, but I'm bummed cause now I can't say what I really think about those weirdos... ;-)

First performance tonight although dress rehearsal last night was technically a performance since they let people in for free so we had an audience. I think it went pretty well. I really wasn't nervous at all. Well except for having to the lights & projections. Andy had asked for someone to do this during the act they weren't acting in, so I emailed him and said I could for the second act. He forwarded my email to Todd, but I never heard from him so I figured I was off the hook. Until last night, when Todd said he still needed someone and Andy said he thought he was going to talk to me about it. So I'm all like oh fuck, the performance is like tomorrow. So Todd gave me a 2-minute lesson in running the sound and projections and I'm all I've never done this before and you expect me to be able to do this. Well I guess I didn't totally fuck it up since I'm still here in one piece... There are actually places where the continuance of the play relies on certain sound cues... so I could like totally "miss" it on purpose and make them stand there sweating for a few minutes... that would be so mean... and then be all but I've never done this before! *pout*

I've noticed that Ben compliments everyone's acting, directing, and writing abilities/performances, especially when they're obviously in need of some positive reinforcement... but then he doesn't have one good thing to say about the play I'm in. Hmmm... jealous much?

I should get back to work... I didn't go in to work until about 12:20 today. And it doesn't feel like my day has been any shorter than usual. Like, so totally not fair!

Mood:  caffeinated
The full run rehearsal on Friday night was awesome. I got nervous like I anticipated but a few people told me "great job" ;-) My mouth went dry when we started and I thought I wouldn't be able to speak, but it went away moments later. I was shaking a little bit too. We have a couple more full runs before we perform so hopefully by opening night I will be used to performing in front of people.

It was also a relief to see that our play was not the worst. ;-) Not that I'm glad that anyone was not at 100%. Got Milk? was more like a three person speech than a play. Then there were a couple monologues that weren't that great. A Painted Forest was better than I imagined and The Cheese Stands Alone was about what I expected. I'd have to say the best was Rebels.

We went to Replay afterwards. Hung with Honey, Ruth, and three Mexican guys. It was very fun and educational trying to communicate using broken Spanish and broken English. I kept confusing French for Spanish. Ben was the walking dictionary of course. ;-)

We finally saw Fahrenheit 9/11 last night. Ben and I have differing views on it but of course he's Right and I'm Wrong. Had a very unenthusiastic on my part, way too enthusiastic on Ben's part, discussion til about 1:30 AM.

Yawn. Tired today.

Mood:  mischievious
Tonight is the first full run rehearsal. It will be the first time we do the play in front of more than 4 people (Amber, Ned, Andy, Ben). I'm nervous and excited. More excited really.

And tomorrow is the first meeting of the book club I joined.

While eating my lunch today at Chipotle, their muzak included a completely kick ass jazz saxophone version of My Favorite Things. You know, from the Sound of Music? Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper pennies and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things... ;-)

During an internet break today (people get smoke breaks, like 5 a day, so why can't I have internet breaks?) somehow I went to the website of a place I used to work. I looked at the department website but the listing of office personnel was gone. I went to the human resources page, and on the current openings list, there was the job of the woman who, while I was there, was my evil nemesis, the very bane of my existance for almost 2 years. I don't know, it makes me immensely happy that she is not there anymore. Also makes me wonder had I stayed, my job there might've become 200% better.

I don't have time to finish this... more later...